Getting Married in Japan

Setting the scene:
Organ music plays. The priest, bedecked in his vestments, walks down the aisle ahead of the nervously shuffling groom. He asks the congregation to stand, and as the music hits a crescendo, in walks the bride resplendent in a beautiful white wedding dress- the train of which follows neatly behind her. The bride's face is partially obscured by her white veil, and she carries a bouquet of white roses in her hands. While walking together down the aisle, she and her father are careful to match their steps. The father measures his steps carefully, taking speacial care not to tread on her dress. Reaching the altar after a halting march, the father hands her off to his soon-to-be son-in-law, making a small bow in the process.

The priest offers several prayers expounding on God's love for man and the eternal bonds of matrimony that will bound the new couple. He leads the congregation in a hym, sung in a monotone redolent of a gregorian chant. The ceremony climaxes in the exchanging of the rings, lifting of the veil, and tender kiss. "Under the power vested in me by ______, I now pronounce you man (/husband/etc.) and wife", and the couple parades out under a shower of rose petals.

On to the banquet- while everyone sits around various tables facing a main, central one- the new couple is toasted with champagne, everyone is treated to a wonderful meal (foie gras, steak, lobster, etc), and there are several tear-filled speeches punctuated by a slideshow of embarrassing childhood photos. Throughout all of this, the background is permeated by the constant murmur of sappy music.

Sound familiar? While one could easily associate this description with any given wedding ceremony and reception in the United States- it's one that I generally find harder reconciling with my previous knowledge of Japan. Only about 3% of the Japanese population professes Christianity. On top of that, the joyous and often even out-of-hand nature of American weddings and the receptions that follow had very little chance in my mind of occuring in a conservative, often painfully ceremonial culture such as Japan's. The Japanese love nothing if not a ceremony. School semesters begin and end with them. They mark the beginning and end of one's work in a company. School cultural festivals, sports days, and other special days all include them. They are employed in virtually every situation possible. Japanese ceremonies are generally serious, closely choreographed affairs- the participants know their moves and bows to a T. They are also almost unflinchingly serious and stiff while going through the motions.

Thus, it was with a fair bit of wonder (but not with much surprise), that I saw the motions of a Western wedding (complete with priest) take place before me, with all the seriousness of the typical Japanese ceremony. I was sitting in a hybrid. This continued to the wedding pictures, where the photographer did her best to get all of those involved to crack a smile (I feel like my beaming face will sorely stand out in the picture of everyone there). I did get my host, sister, the bride, to beam for a picture of us- which I was quite proud of haha.

The banquet was very closely choreographed- seats were typically arranged in the Japanese order of precedence (with the younger siblings/friends/extended family on the outer reaches, and the parents and Japanese bosses of the husband in the center), an MC talked us through each presentation (even the places for applause), and there were a number of speeches (the predictable ones- groom & groom's family, bride, a relative or two, and not-so-predictable- two of the bosses, etc.). One of my favorite aspects of Japanese culture is its bipolarity when it comes to ceremony- they know that there is a time to be very serious, and a time to unwind afterwards. This is generally when the alcohol begins to flow, as the reception turned out to be (we each received a glass of red wine, white wine, champagne, full). Japanese people aren't allowed to refill their own drinks in formal situations. This leaves a golden opportunity for socializing, as you can take one of the large beer bottles from your table, and walk around the room filling people's drink for them while making conversation (this is true for any Japanese party/occasion where drinking of any sort takes place).

The most touching parts of the reception were the slide show full of pictures of the bride & groom during their cute childhood (and awkward teenage) years. True to their personalities, my host sister was beaming in each of her photos, and her Kyoto University (read: Princeton)-educated husband was a study in serious faces. Another great part was a slightly-intoxicated uncle of the groom getting up to sing a song he'd written for the fathers of the bride & groom. I couldn't understand all of it, but overall it was a chiding song urging them to let go of their babies, and imagining the years to come. This prompted the youngest guest to the wedding, the two-year-old nephew of the groom, to want to sing a song he'd learned in nursery school (about a silly) cat, and he was duly humored.

Unlike American weddings, this was about it- after desert was served and finished, and final speeches made by the families, the guests left and went home at around 8:30. This was another big contrast from my view of American weddings lasting well into the night with dancing, etc.

The entirety of the wedding took place at an old Japanese-style mansion in one of the nicest neighborhoods of central Kobe. Though, as you can probably imagine, space is at a premium in Japan, the house and gardens surrounding it took take up at least an acre. The house was previously owned by the founder of a large insurance conglomerate, and so the 4-story house itself and gardens have been kept in immaculate condition. Wandering around the grounds, there is little to give away the fact that one is in the middle of a packed city of several million people. The chapel in which the ceremony was performed was a beautiful small building in the back that could probably only fit about 60 people in total.

The three most popular ways to get married in Japan are: the Western, hotel-style (often in a hotel with a built-in chapel, the bride wears a wedding dress); the Japanese, shrine-style (at a Shinto shrine, traditional kimonos are worn); and a Western, Christian-style celebrated at a location dedicated to weddings and other ceremonies of the type (my host sister's). According to my host father, the one my host sister and her husband chose was relatively rare (because it's a bit more expensive), but I'd have to say it seemed to be the best, most beautiful type of fusion. As stiff and formal as it was at times, it was still touching. I have the feeling that compared to this, attending a Western-style wedding in a hotel (even if accompanied by Christian vows) would smack of counterfeit. Though I know I shouldn't judge the other two types of weddings before I've actually attended them, for now the one this weekend will remain the ideal Japanese-Western/Christian fusion in my mind.